Bakura's first love!
by Psycho BakuRyou
Summary: Ryou's having his "let's send Bakura somewhere so I can relax" mood. He sends Bakura over to...Yugi's house.Bakura protects himself from the Yugi germs now. He comes upon a room and finds his lover. Who do you think it is?


Bakura's first love!

Bakura started laughing. "No way are you serious they stick broccoli in you. Shit that's hell. Ad cheese whew. Thank god I'm lacto and whatever." Bakura said still talking to the casserole.

"Yes he's been sitting there for 3 weeks." Ryou said on the phone. "Uh-huh? Uh-huh? No I asked him to get up and eat some steak, but still he insists on talking to the casserole. Either he's really kissing my ass or he loves the casserole box." He said again. "No. No. No! Oh my god no! No he keeps saying he's lacto intolerant, but he's not he ate casserole and he didn't get hives or anything. I know he's sick! In the brain!" Ryou screamed. He hung up on the doctor and sighed.

Ryou walked in the living room and sat next to Bakura who was laughing his ass off.

"No! You're lying. That's not true!" Bakura said laughing.

Ryou patted his shoulder and Bakura stopped his laughing.

"What? Can't you see I'm having an engaging conversation?" Bakura asked.

Ryou saw the cell phone in Bakura's hand and growled angrily.

"You mean to tell me I've been stressing over nothing! I'm here thinking "Oh I think my Yami's cracked! He's talking to the casserole!" And here I see you talking on the cell phone with who knows who maybe Santa Clause!" Ryou screamed.

"Ryou, Ryou, Ryou… you actually thought I'd talk to this shit? Hell fuck no bitch. Haha I said 3 curse words in one sentence! I'm so proud…anyway, no Ryou I wouldn't talk to a casserole! It's my arch nemesis. Like Steak to steak sauce, caramel and ice cream corn and salt! Mmm…I want some corn………..WELL no! I wouldn't talk to it we as in Me and the casserole we'd never talk. It'll tell me shit about my fucking colon. You know what it's coming off. I want my colon out of me." Bakura said.

All went quiet………..

"You mean to tell me I'm talking to Santa clause? _The_ Santa clause?" Bakura asked

Ryou shrugged.

"Damn! I wanted to tell him off for only giving me coal! Stupid fat bitch." Bakura grumbled.

"Bakura…I think its time you knew." Ryou said.

"You're my father!" Bakura asked shocked.

"Thank god I'm not. I'd committed suicide a long ass time ago." Ryou said.

Bakura sniffed.

"Bakura…there comes an age…in every time…that you grow up. Your first tooth being pulled out. Your first pimple---

"Like that one Marik had like on his nose and I called him Rudolph the gay nosed Reindeer!" Bakura asked hyper.

"Yea that's a pimple." Ryou said.

"That was a fucking big one." Bakura said.

"It's time you knew about…the Easter bunny, Santa clause and the tooth fairy." Ryou said.

"Yea they're really. Rocker pimps. They're so cool." Bakura said smiling.

"They're not real." Ryou said.

A glass broke from the outside.

"You fucking little kid this glass costs $70.00! You're paying for it!" The guy yelled.

"Sorry." Yami Marik said.

"N-not real? Santy clause no real? Toof faiwy no weel either? Easter bunny….ah I never really cared about him." Bakura said.

"No. All your presents…they came from me. The tooth fair money…came from no one because no one gave you money." Ryou said.

"So you were the one that gave me coal! Why you little bitch." Bakura said angrily.

"Hey! You were being a naughty boy." Ryou said firmly.

"Naughty! Me! Pssssssssssssh no! I'm a good boy!" Bakura said.

"Right………………….." Ryou said.

"I…I can't believe this…the past 5,000 years I've been thinking…Santa clause and the tooth fairy are real. I'm…I'm…gonna go get a bucket of ice cream and mourn in my room." Bakura said crying.

"Reminds me of some girl that got dumped by her boyfriend." Ryou said going into his room.

A few weeks later…..

Ryou tapped on Bakura's door.

_God it's like someone died in here_ Ryou sat on Bakura's beg.

"What do you want?" Bakura cried.

"You're crying too much. Get over it you're crying over people who don't exist." Ryou said getting Bakura out of bed.

"Where am I going?" Bakura sniffed.

"To see your new friend." Ryou said taking him outside.

Bakura shielded his eyes from the sun.

"There he is." Ryou said.

Bakura opened his eyes and gasped. "No!" He screamed.

"We can get along." Yugi said.

_Look at his germs…they have to be like stupid or gay germs._ Bakura looked at Yugi strangely.

"Like oh my god. Does this dress make me look fat? Like hello? That dude over there has like no fashion sense. Like ha ha like ha ha ha!" The Yugi germs said.

"No! No! No!" Bakura screamed.

"Like why is he screaming? He's like hurting my like precious ears." The germs said covering their ears.

"Oh ra! No! I want to see German germs not these stupid gay germs!" Bakura screamed.

"Really!" Marik asked holding on from the 2nd floor rail.

"No!" Bakura screamed pushing him down and breaking every bone in his body.

"Come on Bakura! We're gonna have lot's of fun today!" Yugi said gaily.

"No! Ryou! Save me! I forgive you for giving me coal on Christmas even though it was selfish of you to get Maria…I mean Marik a laptop and me fucking coal! Never mind I don't forgive you! But save me!" Bakura cried.

"Have fun Bakura. Don't have too much fun." Ryou said walking away.

"Ryou! No! No! Come back! Don't leave me here with him!" Bakura screamed crying.

"Like oh my god how rude he's like screaming and he like doesn't wanna like be with us." The germs said.

"So what are we gonna do today Bakura? Sit down by the beach? Go to my house…hehehehehe or watch TV on my couch…but not watch the TV!" Yugi asked.

_Not watch the TV what could that mean? What! We're gonna play Chinese checkers! Oh Ra I suck at that game. Hhehehehehehe? What the hell? Who the fuck laughs like that! It's like giving Marik a manly voice._ _Whoa…can't imagine it, _

"Let's go to Marik's house really quick." Yugi said skipping holding Bakura' hand.

I've heard of walking, jogging and running…but never skipping! Did he say Marik's house! No! Two germs to fight off!

"No! We can't!" Bakura screamed. He opened his eyes and saw Marik in front of him.

"Hiya!" Marik said happily.

"Oh ra you sounded like Ryou! Ryou are you in there! You ate him! You bastard." Bakura screamed.

"Ooh you're touching me!" Marik screamed.

"Ah!" Bakura screamed looking at his hands disappear with all the germs eating his hands.

He grabbed some spray and sprayed his hands.

"Like oh my god those German germs were like so hot. Let's get some of those hunnies." The Yugi germs said.

Bakura watched the little gay Yugi germs make-out with Marik's German germs.

"Aw! That's sick!" Bakura said disgustedly.

"Let us join forces we can take him down quickly. Oh I love you Tory." The German germ said.

"Like ok Tragacaca (Poop swallower in Spanish)" Tory said.

"No!" Bakura screamed. He grabbed some plastic wrap and wrapped himself. "I'll be safe…for now." He said sighing in relief.

"I'll use my lipstick of wonder to like break his like barrier." Tory the head Yugi germ said.

It did nothing.

"Don't feel bad…we've tried…he's very smart." The German said looking at Bakura drool and look blankly in space.

Bakura jumped into the room where he saw Yugi and Marik looking at Marik's two dogs.

"What the fuck are you guys looking at?" Bakura asked.

"Shh! Shh! My dogs are doing the cha cha cha!" Marik said.

"That's not the cha cha cha Marik! Oh my ra! You sick pervert. I see you doing the with Yugi now." Bakura said hopping away.

"Wait Bakura's let's do stuff together I'm done watching the cha cha cha. Marik's scaring me." Yugi said.

"He scares the shit out of me everyday let's go." Bakura said walking and stopping quickly. "Did I just say let's go? No you stay I go." He said.

Yugi grabbed Bakura's hands letting loose his gay germs.

Bakura squealed like a girl and shook his arm. "Don't you touch me!" He screamed.

Yugi put on his puppy face.

"Dude! That's disgusting! Here!" Bakura said passing him a paper bag. "Put the shit on I heard there in style." He said.

Yugi pushed Bakura to his house…with the paper bag on his head. "This…is my house!" Yugi said.

"Looks like something my grandma would live in." Bakura said.

"Hi sexy." Yami Yugi said to Yugi and making out with him.

"Holy shit you have a fucking guest here. I don't fucking want to see that." Bakura said disgusted.

"Why is there a bag on your head covering your pretty face?" Yami Yugi asked.

"Pretty! Dude you need some thick-lensed glasses because this kid is like opposite of pretty and way uglier than the word ugly itself. He makes ugly look pretty." Bakura said.

Yami Yugi and Yugi cocked an eyebrow and started making out again.

"Ah. You're disgusting." Bakura said walking up his stairs. He looked around Yugi's antique house and saw Yugi gay germs everywhere. "I guess Yami Yugi has the prostitute gay germs." He said. He saw little clubs of germs on the table and beds and flowers and drawers. "This is insane! I'm like unprotected. If it weren't for this plastic wrap I woulda pulled another Spiderman scene thingy." Bakura said.

He gasped. His eyes got big and watery and his bottom lip stuck out. "I……must……….have……….that." He said grabbing it.

Yugi and Yami Yugi were making out on the couch when Bakura walked in. "Well I'm leaving you stupid gay turds. I have to um……..do something." Bakura said.

"No! Stay watch TV with us!" Yugi said sitting Bakura down.

Bakura was squished on Yugi's tiny couch with basically Yugi and Yami Yugi on top of him. "Ew! Ew! Yugi germs!" He screamed crying.

They sat watching TV for a good few hours until Bakura started squirming.

"Stop moving you're ruining the silent moment." Yugi said punching him.

Bakura glared at Yugi making him whimper and laugh nervously.

"I have to get out of here." Bakura said trying to get up.

"No! Pwease stay for me! Pwease!" Yugi said like a little baby.

"Ugh! You'd be the ugliest baby." Bakura said.

A few more hours passed and Bakura started squirming more.

"Stop it dammit! Fuck! Idiot! I'm watching fucking TV you fucking bastard and you fucking keep moving! You fucking bitch! All you do it move fuck!" Yami Yugi screamed.

"Yami. Yami calm down." Yugi said.

"A kiss will calm me down." Yami Yugi said.

"Ugh! Oh my Ra! Not in front of me!" Bakura screamed covering his eyes.

Yugi scrambled all over the place and kneed Bakura.

"Oh! Ow! Oh! You little asshole! Oh ball cancer! Ball cancer! I'm going to get fucking ball cancer." Bakura said in pain.

"Hehehehehe. Sorry." Yugi giggled.

"I'll give you a sorry. A foot up your ass!" Bakura screamed.

"We're done calm down." Yami Yugi said.

They started watching TV again.

"Ahhhh! I can't take it anymore! This is uncomfortable! I have to…open my legs! I'm too cramped! They can't breathe!" Bakura screamed pushing Yami Yugi off of him and Yugi too. He sighed in relief.

"How rude. That was our couch." Yugi said.

"Bitch. You have your legs closed for 6 hours straight. It's uncomfortable. But then again you won't know the feeling because you have none! Good bye! Little bitches hope you die and freeze in freezing hell so you won't be in hot hell with me!" Bakura screamed waddling out still in pain and uncomfortable from those 6 hours at the house.

He giggled crazily. "I got it! I got it!" He said happily. He walked up the stairs to his house and opened the door.

Ryou was sitting on the couch drinking a pina colada with his shirt off and 30 fans around him. "Ah, this is the life." He sighed.

"Ryou Bakura! So this is what you do when I'm gone! I'm won't be surprised if you have two hookers and a stripper in your room right now!" Bakura screamed.

Ryou jumped from his seat and spilled his pina colada on him. "Oh! I'm cold!" He screamed.

"Good! You deserve that! Leaving me at a house with "Like like like oh my god" germs!" Bakura screamed.

"I needed time off." Ryou said smiling.

"Yea I'd like to have time off and be with my shirt off drinking pina colada." Bakura said.

"Then go ahead be my guest." Ryou said resuming what he was doing.

"Fine I will! Where'd you get the drink?" Bakura asked.

"Marik's house." Ryou said sipping it.

"Fuck it." Bakura said sitting down next to him.

Ryou made loud slurping noises and started choking on his saliva.

"Great now we're back to choking. I kinda miss the seizures. You looked funny doing it." Bakura said stealing Ryou's drink and drinking some.

Ryou "finally" recuperated on his own without Marik coming in and CPRing him to death.

Ryou saw Bakura mimicking him and stole his drink. "Get your own jacker." Ryou said.

"Hey! Sharing is caring." Bakura said.

"And I don't care so I shouldn't share." Ryou said.

"Well you should care and share because I'm your Yami." Bakura said.

"This is me not caring so I'm not sharing and I don't care if you're my Yami." Ryou said.

Bakura was out of caring and sharing comebacks. "You have an answer for everything. I hate you." Bakura said folding his arms.

"Thanks…I guess." Ryou said taking another sip.

"You know what these people had me do! They made me sit with my legs together! Oh my ra! It was so uncomfortable!" Bakura screamed.

Ryou spread his legs out and coughed.

"How the flying fuck can you sit like that!" Bakura asked shocked.

"Um…by sitting like that." Ryou said blushing.

"We-e-e-e-eirdo!" Bakura said laughing.

"Guys! Guys! I did it!" Marik screamed rushing in.

"What? Find your brain." Bakura said.

"No! Better! My dogs doing to cha cha cha!" Marik said setting his dogs down so the can do the "cha cha cha"

Ryou stuck his tongue out in disgust while Bakura stared and watched in awe.

"That's how I was born." Marik said nodding his head in approval.

"No wonder you look so ugly." Bakura said.

Marik stuck out his index finger "thinking" it was his middle finger.

"Beat that." Marik said.

Bakura grabbed Marik's finger and twisted it.

"Ow! Ow! Mommy!" Marik screamed crying.

"Your moms dead dude." Bakura said.

Everything went quiet.

Yami Marik was standing by a vase. The vase was waiting to get dropped.

"Ha! I made it through a silent scene!" Yami Marik said lifting his arms and dropping the glass vase.

"Damn!" He screamed angrily.

Bakura took whatever he stole from Yugi's house and ran to his room.

"Bakura. Bakura what the hell was that?" Ryou asked knocking on his door.

"My lover." Bakura said.

Ryou heard moaning and groaning and knocked loudly.

"Bakura remember what I told you! No thingy thingy until you're 18 and older! You according to me you're still 10 years old!" Ryou screamed.

"Kiss my ass bitch!" Bakura screamed.

Ryou growled angrily.

A couple of weeks later………………….

"Yea hi. It's me Ryou again. Yea um…my friends been locked in his room with his lover for three weeks and he needs help…a lot of it. You think you can come by?" Ryou asked over the phone. "Great see you in…Oh…you're here. Bye." Ryou said letting the doctor in.

The doctor kicked the door down and put it back on the hinges so Ryou couldn't come in.

"What! What the fuck are you doing in this germ free room! Out! Out I say!" Bakura screamed.

"My lover!" He screamed.

The doctor ran out.

"Get back here!" Bakura screamed.

"His lover it's an---AHHHH!" The doctor screamed getting dragged in his room like in Jurassic park when the T-Rex grabs the guys leg and pulls them in slowly and scary!

"Help me!" The doctor screamed.

Ryou was too frightened and ran away.

"Bitch!" The doctor screamed.

"What is Bakura's lover? I'm scared now." Ryou said.

Bakura growled angrily in his room.

Ryou knocked softly. "Bakura…when can I meet your lover?" He asked.

Bakura grumbled and growled.

"Ok…um…hmm." Ryou said walking away.

Ryou stood by the door.

"You're my little baby yes you are yes you are. You're so hot. You turn me on. Oh yes you do. Yes you do." Bakura said giggling.

A few more weeks passed and Bakura still hadn't gotten out of his room.

"You know there's no such thing as an opposite day. Because if it's opposite day the opposite of opposite day is not opposite day and the opposite of not opposite day is opposite day therefore there is not and there is an opposite day." Bakura was saying in his room.

"What the hell?" Ryou said to himself.

"MooMoo, I think it's time to introduce you to my friend." Bakura said getting up.

Ryou stood up and brushed himself.

"This is Mr. Bed. Hi Mr. Bed." Bakura said.

Ryou sighed and sat back down on the floor.

"Mr. Bed let's you go to sleep. Something I'm going to do now." Bakura said yawning. "Goodnight my sexy little----

"Damn they do this on purpose." Ryou said.

He waited a couple of minutes and went inside Bakura's room.

"Now where is that…thingy?" Ryou whispered.

He saw something tucked under Bakura's arms and went to grab it.

"Aha! Trying to see huh!" Bakura screamed grabbing Ryou's arm.

Ryou gasped and pissed himself.

"Aha! You piss yourself too!" Bakura screamed.

Ryou stuck his lip out and sniffed looking as if he were about to cry.

"Sorry I scared you." Bakura said hugging him.

Ryou looked over Bakura's shoulder for whatever he had that was his lover.

"Now scram too much love." Bakura said pushing Ryou out.

Ryou picked up his phone and thought. _I wonder where the doctor went…did Bakura eat him? _He phoned Marik to come over.

"Hey sexy lima bean. What did you need? Talk, touch, hehehe cha cha?" Marik asked.

"Ew none. Get Bakura out of his room." Ryou ordered.

"Yes sir!" Marik said marching in Bakura's room. Ryou followed.

"What the fuck is this the gay convention?" Bakura asked. "Not you Ryou you're not gay." Bakura smiled.

"Bakura I……..Ryou what am I here for?" Marik asked.

Ryou whispered something in Marik's ear.

"Am I your lover?" Marik asked Bakura.

Bakura stayed quiet and went in to hysterical laughter. "Yea right. I'd date myself before I dated you…or even looked at you." Bakura said.

"Harsh. I'm sexy right Ryou?" Marik asked.

Ryou looked into space to avoid answering Marik's question. "Yes Marik." Marik said imitating Ryou.

"Thank you Ryou." Marik said.

"What?" Ryou asked.

"Just say ok." Marik said.

"Ok….?" Ryou said.

"Ha! I'm right! Now! Bakura…who is your lover?" Marik asked.

"I'm not saying." Bakura said.

"Why?" Ryou asked.

Bakura stared at him.

"It was Marik he said it." Ryou said.

Marik was humming a song and dancing around in small steps.

"Ok since this little convention was pointless you guys better be on your way. I need my beauty sleep. Not that I need any more beauty than what I already have, but—

Ryou started coughing.

"Are you choking? That better have been a choking cough or Marik would have gotten it." Bakura said angrily.

"Yea! I woulda gotten it!" Marik said. "Wait…what?" He said drooling dumbly.

Everything got quiet.

"I'm blue if I was Marik I'd die. If I was Marik I'd die dabu dee dabu die! Marik will die Marik will die. If I was blue and I was Marik I'd die daba dee dabu die! Marik die." Bakura sang.

"Yea I'll die!" Marik cheered. "Is…that bad?" He asked drooling again.

Bakura went under the covers and started playing with his lover.

Ryou growled and jumped on Bakura's bed.

"Let me see it! Let me see it!" Ryou screamed.

"Oh the cha cha!" Marik screamed sitting and watching them fight.

"No!" Bakura screamed trying to keep Ryou out of his cover cocoon.

"Please!" Ryou screamed trying to get in.

"We're gonna get funky!" Marik started singing. "Everyone clap your hands. Clap clap clap your hands. To the left…to the right now ya'll. One hop this time. Hop! Two hops this time! To the back! Right foot one stomp. Left foot left stomp. Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Hands on your knees. And shake that ass. Now cha cha. Now cha cha. Cha cha." Marik sang.

Ryou and Bakura stopped fighting at Marik's perverted song. They watched him put his hands on hi knees and shake his ass.

Bakura screamed in fright. "The ass of destruction!" He screamed.

Ryou took the covers off and unveiled Bakura's lover.

Ryou gasped.

Marik gasped.

Silence.

A glass broke.

"It wasn't me this time!" Yami Marik yelled running away.

"It's…it's not what it looks like." Bakura said.

Ryou was left in shock.

Marik was still shaking his ass.

Everything was silent.

"I'm sorry I love my—

Ryou gasped.

Marik gasped.

The end!

Lol! HAHAHAHAH! I left you all hanging! You won't ever know what Bakura's lover was! It could've been a steak, a piece of shit, a ball a dog a Marik germ. But you will never know! HAHAHAHA! I feel like a bitch! LOL! R&R. Don't kill me for totally leaving you like…….((watches person hang from the cliff)) ((Steps on their hands and laughs)) Yea right I wouldn't do that to you. What Bakura loved……………will never be revealed! Sorry and lol. Give me more ideas I got a new song I could maybe squeeze in there.

P.S I was watching bring it on when I was thinking of Yugi's germs. Lol. For those of you who ask how I get my ideas…movies my stupidity…all this stuff I write about has somewhat happened to me. The beach part where Ryou got on Bakura's head and pissed….yep yep I did that on my dad. He got pissed…as in angry too. I never went to psychology! Honestly I didn't! lol.


End file.
